I’ve recently severed ties with a long-term boyfriend.
He was my first love and I was totally enthralled for the better part of five years.
It was the kind where you promise you’ll be together forever–young love, stupid irrational love.
Some of you will hate my post.
But one failed relationship does not mean that yours will end too.
In the midst of my relationship there was no end in sight.
It was one of those where you swear it’s different from everyone else’s.
“You’re the different couple,” you tell yourself.
It’s the first person you say, “I love you,” to.
You promise each other impossible things.
And for the better part of six months, I’ve been replaying those impossible moments in my mind.
Ever since I stopped talking to you, I’ve sworn that I would not show my true feelings.
So here’s what I would say to you if I could:
I hate that I needed you for so long.
I hate that you were never want I needed for so long.
I hate that you replaced me so soon.
I hate that you live so carefree without me.
I hate that you might be happy.
I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to leave you sooner.
I hate that I spent hours/weeks/years worrying about ending up together.
So just as much as it kills me to watch you with someone else, even though I let you go, I hope that when you see me, you see joy and pain and something you’ll never be able to attain again.
But most of all, I miss you and I feel naked in a world without you.
I hate saying that but it feels good to be in a place now with my feet under me and path in front of me. Even without you on it, just know, I’m fine and I hope you are too.
